♪ - Oh, it's holiday time again.

Join us as we share our thoughts on how to create peaceful holidays, discuss tips on navigating holiday stress and consider low cost ideas to spread the holiday cheer Coming up on Inspire.

- Inspire is sponsored by the estate of Ray and Ann Goldsmith - And the Raymond C and Marguerite Gibson Foundation - And friends of KTWU.

We appreciate your financial support.

Thank you.

♪ - Hello and welcome to our Inspire Holiday special.

It is so wonderful to be here with you and all of my Inspire sisters.

I got Betty Lou Pardue, I got Amy Kelly, I got Leslie Flueranges.

And we have you.

- We are so excited to discuss our ideas about creating a peaceful holiday season.

Ways to stay calm under pressure, and how to spread cheer on a budget.

- We all know that as much as we may love the holidays, they can come with a fair amount of stress.

How can we feel peaceful during what can often be an overwhelming time?

Joining us to discuss this topic is Ariel Ludwig, outpatient services manager at Valeo Behavioral Healthcare and Ariel, we've got to get right in it.

What is stress?

- Oh boy, Betty, that interestingly enough, stress is something within ourselves, our body that reacts to things that we're not used to.

A lot of people are stressed about time commitment and just amount of things they have on their plate, and so when someone gets stressed, they have a period of agitation and that period of agitation.

What it's trying to do is compel us to meet the needs of what we expect.

A lot of times though, if that continues, that stress gets a little bit preoccupying and we get very narrow minded, unfocused and challenged, and that's when it starts to tax on our bodies.

- What are some of the ways that stress will manifest itself?

I know if I'm stressed out, I don't wanna be bothered and everybody should just back off.

How does it manifest in other people?

- That's not uncommon.

I have the same problem where if I feel too much on my plate, I'll get actually aggravated and irritable And I get reactive.

I think that's a common experience that people have.

You'll actually see a lot of people are pretty good at managing their stress in short term moments.

I mean, if it's four o'clock and the afternoon and you need to get off work at five, maybe should be stressed out for an hour, it might get you out of there.

But if you walk into a room at eight o'clock and you gotta work until five, 8:00 AM until 5:00 PM and you're stressed out already, things, things are a little bit different.

The way it kind of manifests for a lot of people is they kind of make impulsive decisions.

They don't really have good judgment.

You and I, as we just said, we might get reactive, short tempered, pick a fight, pick a fight that that has happened.

Don't don't, that's happened in the past.

And just irrational thinking and just kind of taking a lot of pressure.

You might see physical symptoms too, though.

People might be tired.

- So how did, how do you manage stress?

What are the best tips for managing stress?

- I always encourage people to start tracking their stress.

I think that somatically a good thing to do is to track your stress, become aware of it because if you are aware of something, you'll be able to commit to change.

If you're not aware of something, you may be walking around stress and not even know it.

It's really what we call somatic track, somatic tracking.

And so the idea is if you can take your emotional temperature, you know, one being the lowest and no stress and 10 being the highest, if you find yourself getting what I like to say kindled, I, I, I think a good thing to do is ask yourself, close your eyes and just sit back for a second and ask yourself, how does this feel on my body?

Do I like the way it feels?

And if you don't, give it a number and say, okay, these are the things I don't want.

And so if you do that over time, something that's, you know, subjective, one time done enough becomes more realistic and the body gets kind of used to it and can predict when those things are happening.

- Okay, so the holidays are upon us.

- Yes.

- The joyous time of the year and the most stressful time of the year.

Yes.

What can we do to prepare for the stress of the holidays?

I mean, we usually are trying to react to it once we're in it, right?

What do we do to anticipate it?

- I always say be realistic.

Be realistic on what you can do.

That really does mean.

If you're not sure how much you have to do and you know that you can kind of predict that you have a lot to do.

Make a list.

It's not bad to make a list.

Look at that list.

Partially it.

Ask for help if you need to remain open to the idea that you're, if you're not your best that day, you might need some help.

- So - Recruit help.

I always think it's good to take mindfulness breaks, sit back and relax.

I don't know if we have enough time, but there's something really great that people can do.

It's called the mindful sigh.

Just sigh.

Take a deep breath and whew, do that three or four times.

Scion is a purpose of inducing relaxation in the body.

Take that pause and do that mindfulness sigh and just relax.

- And I think a lot of us have unrealistic expectations.

Like you see the Norman Rockwell, everybody's got the Turkey and then here's the Christmas and, and we see that on the media.

Not everybody can attain that.

Yes.

So we need to give ourselves grace.

- Right.

Gr grace is a good word to, to say because there's gotta be a love.

We, we always compare ourselves to what we see and what we don't see.

But I do remind people like, for everything that you want, that you, you want to have and you probably realistically can't get it.

There's other people that don't have as much as you either.

And, and so you gotta keep in mind that what I can give that day, what I can produce that day, is good enough.

And, and as long as you feel as if you've accomplished something.

And that's something I tell people all the time.

Accomplish praise everything you accomplish, even if it's minor.

- We were talking about situations that could produce a situation that could kindle your stress.

If you have a loved one who kindles your stress, especially at a holiday event, holiday dinner, how do you handle that?

I mean, 'cause there's only so much sighing that one can do.

So how do you handle those situations?

- Well, I wouldn't challenge them or create conflict.

So the good news is this, if you, again, that awareness comes about here.

If you take a step back and you look at yourself and you say, this is what bothers me about that person, and this is how I react to them, you can kind of go into the backseat of like, and look like the backseat of a car and see everything happening.

So you can approach that person in a manner where you don't react.

Okay.

And if you don't react, you end up feeling a little bit better about how you handled it.

It's not bad to approach people and ask them and negotiate with them and say, Hey, you know, last year this happened and so and so.

But you may not be ready for that.

I always think that taking a step back and not creating the conflict, even though it feels like maybe you're not winning the battle at that time, you end up winning the war.

You know?

'cause you are aware of what they're doing and you're gonna react differently.

- So you could praise yourself for not having - As a hundred percent of the time a hundred percent of the time.

And you can walk away if you need to as well.

That is that not a bad thing to do, - Walk away.

But, you know, I find sometimes that if I, you know, try to give myself grace, whatever, then you know, like, I don't know, an hour or two later I'm beating myself up because I feel like I should have done this or I should have done this or I should have done that.

So, I mean, I don't know if that's buyer's remorse or what, or cognitive dissonance, but how do you not, you know, beat yourself up for doing the right thing.

- Yeah.

When - It doesn't really feel right.

- Well you're human.

That's one thing and that's normal.

Like that's good.

That's, that's good.

Good to know.

I mean, you're human and I think when you say you should and could have done something different, you gotta remind yourself proactively, I did this, I did that instead.

That, that, that's kind of the best thing to think about because for every negative thing you come up with, with what you should or could have done, think about what you were able to accomplish.

I think it's very helpful.

- Ariel, thank you so much for joining us on Inspire.

We're going to take a quick break and when we return we are going to discuss spreading some holiday cheer on a budget.

- As wonderful as the holidays can be, they can also be a source of stress for many of us.

- That is so true.

I mean, as much as we may fight it, holidays can cause us to feel anxious and stressed.

Sad.

It's hard to stay on top of everything during a busy time - Of year for everyone.

And that's why we're so glad to have Abbey Brown, owner of the Brownstone Wedding and Event Venue and the Milestone Market who's here to discuss spreading cheer on a budget.

Abby, thank you for joining us on Inspire.

It's wonderful.

Have you, - Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

- You are great.

So tell us what is a way to make sure we don't overspend?

- Absolutely.

So, or the holidays, One of the things that I put as a priority is planning and planning throughout the year.

So a tip that I have is I have a Google doc or a OneNote that I can share with friends and family that I put deals, I put things that I see off season, all on this Google Doc.

It's a living document, which means that as the holidays get closer, you can go back to that list throughout the year and start going back and finding those deals.

It's also really great for the planning as well because I don't know about you, but holidays seem to, even though it's the same time every year.

Yeah, they surprise us, right?

You're like, how is it, how is it Thanksgiving again?

Whereas if you have a living document where you're working on it all throughout the year, it's never a surprise because you're always armed with those details.

Another, another budget saving tip is for simplifying.

So I talk about this a lot with my clients is focus on the one thing, what is the one thing that you really love about the holiday season?

Is it the food?

Is it the decor?

Is it the gifts?

Right?

And so then you can focus your budget on the special one area that you love versus spreading it around and feeling like you have to live up to those expectations on everything.

The last thing is delegating.

The big thing on the list right, is delegating.

You don't have to cook the entire meal.

You can delegate those different options to different people in your family as well as sharing the, the gifts, having just delegating those pieces.

- Cool.

Okay.

So you said focus on one thing and for me it's the decor.

Absolutely.

I like the way it looks, the way it smells.

I love, I love all of that.

And you run a beautiful event space.

So for, in terms of making it all and beautiful and Christmas, what are some suggestions of things we can do and what should we not do?

- Absolutely.

So I would focus on some of those timeless pieces as well as some of the antiques.

I think when we are thinking about events, it doesn't all have to be new.

And actually if it's all new, it doesn't give you that right feel.

It doesn't feel like home.

And so I take this tradition from the weddings, right?

Where I'm like something, a new, something borrowed something used.

So being able to utilize those different items.

So having something antique, something in heirlooms, something that you saw your grandma utilize, your mother utilize, right?

And passing it down throughout those generations.

And then every season it's fun to get something new.

Absolutely.

So invest, so invest in the new decor as well.

And it makes it special every time.

But making sure that you don't think you need to go out and do something brand new.

The other thing is shop in those places that you don't think of.

So a lot of the box stores are fabulous, but going down and going to an antique store or finding something that's not in a department store, they're really great hidden gyms.

And again, looking off season.

So starting now, even before the holiday seasons come around, it's a great time to invest in those, those decor items.

And - Shop local.

- Yes.

Shop absolutely, absolutely be to 80 cents of your dollar stays here locally.

- It out there.

Absolutely put it out there.

Okay, so let's just go the devil's advocate 'cause I know there's some of you out there, including me.

I didn't make that list last year.

I don't have a living document, I'm thinking, you know, so can you help me?

- Absolutely.

So when you're thinking about an event, yes, decor is exciting, it's fabulous.

But for me the best tip about a successful event is the experience, right?

It's that same quote, it's not what you say, it's how you make them feel.

So it's not about the event itself, they're not gonna remember the centerpiece.

It's those experiences.

And so one of my favorite traditions right now is providing an activity, I don't know if any of you have seen this, but having activities at Christmas.

So last Christmas I invited my family as well as my husband's family to Christmas hosted at my house.

And we did a game.

We did a game where we had a spoon, we put an ornament on it and then you had to walk quickly or run if you're my 3-year-old around the, around the island, right?

Yeah.

And so this game super cheap.

It was a spoon and an ornament.

We just took off the tree.

But it made the best experience because I come from a competitive family.

And so we had my husband's mom in the lead and then give it to my mom, grandma whipped around, maybe did a little bump to second grandma and my, my 3-year-old and 6-year-old lost it.

They thought it was the funniest thing.

Grandma cheated like it was the best.

And so now all we talk about still today is about how grandma cheated.

And so now it's the experience.

So this year we have to come up with the game and these games are right, they're ping pong balls, they're a piece of string, they're, but it's what my kids will remember forever.

They're never gonna remember what I made.

They're gonna remember that experience.

So a great event is the experience and making sure that you're having them talk about something after.

It's always about that feeling of what they're talking about after.

- Okay, so we've talked about the experience and games in decor.

I'm a foodie, so I wanna know how we can prepare something sumptuous that's not going to break our budget.

You know?

And, and I know that part of what you're gonna say is delegate to have you like maybe, and Edna brings some pies and some things, but what if Aunt Edna can't cook?

How do you get around that too?

Because we all know somebody who's made some stuffing that had way too much sage in it.

So I mean how do you get around those things too?

Bring the chips.

Appetizer.

Yeah, - Some drinks.

That's right.

A napkin.

That's amazing.

That's amazing.

Well I think again, it's that focus on what's the one thing you are going to invest in?

Are you investing in the meat?

Are you investing in the side dish?

And really focusing that budget on one item that you're really going all in in.

And then the option to, you don't have to have five side dishes, right?

Really you can have one meat, two sides, and a salad.

And so the other thing is focus on quality, not necessarily quantity of different items.

'cause it also not only is budget friendly, but it's time friendly as well.

Right?

The other thing is in the event world, our event teams and our people in the event world we love to serve.

And so there's a lot of things that you can also delegate out to caterers to other places where that they can make it and that this is what they do.

They als also can usually prepare it, they could deliver it.

And sometimes it is more cost effective and time effective because you're not burning a Turkey or right.

And so you know you're going to get it and you're gonna get it.

Well by utilizing some of those local caterers, I know a lot of the food trucks, a lot of the restaurants provide the holiday catering.

- This was fantastic Abby, you so much for all your information and thank you for joining us on Inspire.

Thank you for being here with us and coming up next our inspire sistas are going to walk around the table, talk around the table.

We're not walking around the table to discuss how we create a sense of peace for and our own loved ones around the holidays.

So stay with us.

- We are all so very lucky to have Cheryl Clark here.

We're dare to dream event management.

And Cheryl, whenever you come, you bring the goods.

This is nothing short of spectacular.

What are you gonna show us how to do?

- Thank you for having me again.

What we're gonna do is a centerpiece that you can use for your dining room table, living room, anywhere in your house that you wanna be festive for the holidays.

- Yes.

And very inexpensively.

And you have this little tool here that you guys have seen.

The wire cutters.

I mean that is the thing that gets so much of this.

So let's start creating.

So - What we've done is just used a simple cylinder.

You can use any kind of tray that you want.

And so what I did is I took a pick, this is a floral pick a a greenery one.

All I did is took and vent it and put it all around here.

I have four of these in here just to create a - Garland.

Right?

- So with that I decided we would do a reindeer.

Oh, to put in the middle here and to create his collar.

I just used a portion of this pick.

Oh yeah.

To create the collar.

I pulled the gold out of it with this simple little tool.

And all you're gonna do is take this pick, place it anywhere you like.

Oh wow.

Spread it open a - Little bit.

Yep.

- And this side as well.

- And I think he's very proud in his beautiful gold color.

Yes.

His garland color.

And this could be with any color, any type of thing that you have maybe a family heirloom around that you wanna showcase.

- Exactly.

You can use any type of florals you have at home.

Or if you wanna be like me and be non-traditional and just want bling.

- Yep.

We love us to bling.

Exactly.

Okay.

Now you had said that some of these things even a kindergartner could create, which is why she's going to let me create the, the, the middle one of these.

So we start with a clear, - So with the clear, you'll go ahead and use the green garland and put that in first.

- Okay.

- Drop it right down in there.

- Then the red.

- Then the red.

And that's just for color.

- Okay.

- We'll kind of put that to the front some.

- Okay.

- So we can get the color in - There.

Yes, yes, yes.

And then the pine cone.

Then the pine cone.

Just drop it in there.

Okay.

Now you could make this a floating candle if you want it.

- Absolutely.

Okay.

Put water in it and then put a floating candle in there and you can have some candlelight at night.

- Oh that is, that's beautiful.

So, okay.

So now we're going to repurpose this with this.

Correct.

Okay.

So we'll take the reindeer out.

- Okay.

Take our little pick out.

Take all our bling outta there.

Yes.

And then we'll put these in here.

Oh my gosh.

So now you have how quick that is centerpiece number two.

And then these picks I took and bent that down.

So it'll go in here much easier.

- Yes.

- And then you can wrap the garland around to secure it.

Oh, depending on where you're gonna put it.

- That is absolutely gorgeous.

Cheryl Clark, you are a magician.

And now you have two centerpieces for the upcoming holidays.

Thank you my dear.

Thank you for having me.

Enjoy.

- Ladies, isn't it wonderful to be all together for this great show?

I learned so much from our guests.

What are some of the ways you all create a sense of peace for yourselves during the holiday season?

- Oh, good lord.

He, to ourselves y you know, I, it's, it's, it's hard to really say how do you create peace for yourselves.

You know, over the years my Christmases have changed a lot, you know, as families morph and grow and small, you know, all these different things.

And so you have all these great expectations, but it's like, no, it's not gonna be the Christmas as we had before.

And so for me, I try to manage my expectations that it's gonna be okay.

And I like the things that the Airy said Sure.

About taking time for yourself, for stepping back, laying down on your bed.

'cause that does relax you.

Mm.

You know, maybe going out and getting in the cold air and things like that.

And those are, it is like so funny 'cause like inherently I do some of those things.

Not realizing that it's a stress reaction.

I thought I just needed to get out of there.

But, so that's, - Those are some of the things that I do.

You know, and, and I really do have most of my gifts purchased.

My trouble is like I, I get 'em and I put 'em in my prize closet and then I'm like, okay, but where did I put that other thing?

You know?

And then, so I'm tearing up everything looking for it.

And then sometimes I'll buy something else because I couldn't find it.

So then I'll save it till the next year.

But then I have it, you know?

Right.

And I'm all ready to go.

I've got stuff from two years ago that people are getting this year - I get everybody gift cards from the same place.

So Merry Christmas.

Yeah.

- Pick your own gift.

- Simple.

That's right.

You know, that causes me great peace.

'cause I know, hey, here you go.

I've spent this much money.

There's my budget.

Yeah.

Everybody knows, oh, Danielle's giving a gift card.

They can go pick out their own thing.

Merry Christmas, happy New Year.

- That's lovely.

See, where should I be expecting that - Card from you?

- You just dunno.

I guess, you know, for me, you know, it's the memories, you know, that bring me peace.

And I think about things that amazingly enough are no longer around.

Like, one of my favorite things was we would go down to Lord and Taylor and b Altman's on Fifth Avenue in New York.

And mom would take us down and we'd be all dressed up and we'd go and look at the windows.

You know, because back in those days they did these beautiful of, you know, they'd pick a theme like the Nutcracker or Rudolph or whatever the case may be.

And we would go down and do that.

We'd have lunch at Lord and Taylor.

We'd have pretzels from the street vendors.

- Nice.

- Wow.

And maybe, you know, if we had time, we'd stop at chock full of nuts.

Chock full of nuts is no longer around.

B Altman's is gone, Lord and Taylor is gone.

- Oh.

- I mean, it's like the world has changed to your point of, you know, things were this way and now they're this way.

But that is one of my fondest memories forever.

- Mm.

- And you know, I think of that at this time of year of how blessed I was that my mom made those special moments for us.

And that's what I, that's what I think - That is.

That's really sweet.

You know, I, to piggyback on what you just said, There are songs that will take me back to that.

So we're, we're talking about like Lord and Taylor and those things, and I'm thinking about some of the songs from that time period that, you know, bring me back to that.

Right.

And the classics that I grew up with, and those are the things that I want to be listening to.

And then that brings me peace.

Like the Frank Sinatras, the Neck King, Coles and Andy Williams'.

Absolutely.

Andy Williams.

Good lord.

Yes.

And you know, and, and I have a story about that because in Salina, he did a concert for the holidays.

And I was at Kansas Westland and I was one of the people asked to sing background.

Oh.

So I was so thrilled to be backstage and doing all of that.

And so that's one of my memories.

But you know, those classics make my holidays.

So I need to have that in order to love.

- I love that.

Okay.

I'm gonna piggyback on that.

It's not God, it's a classic only in our family, because we made up this song, we always made up songs and we would go out and, and chop down a tree.

But before when we found the tree, we all circled around it and did the Wahoo Christmas and then we also turned sawing it.

And then my dad would make, we make it.

Christmas to me is a $35 tree.

I mean, you know, and it went on, you know, that things I can't really say here, but it was very, I love it.

I mean, we sing it every single year.

And it, it was after a Statler Brothers song.

So it was just like, oh my gosh.

I mean, so yes.

I love - That.

Yeah.

That's wonderful.

Yeah.

Oh, I love see it.

And, and, and to piggyback all that, the, the music, the memories, it's Rudolph, it's watching Rudolph.

Oh my God.

And Charlie Brown Christmas.

Yes, yes.

I am like a little kid again in front of the tv just going, I love Rudolph.

I put it on my calendar.

When knows he wants to be a dentist.

I just, I suddenly, I'm eight years old again.

- I love, I love I love it.

Perfect.

Perfect love.

I have to tell you, so when we would get the Christmas tree, we would get it on Christmas Eve and it never dawned on me then.

But we'd go Christmas Eve and we'd go, we'd take a cart.

I would ride in the shopping cart on the way there and on the way back, the tree would ride in the shopping cart and then we'd come home, we'd decorate the tree, yada yada.

You know why we went New Year's Eve now, right?

'cause of cheese.

The trees were cheap.

Absolutely.

- Christmas on a budget.

That's what I'm talking about.

Brandy would always get the candy the day after Christmas.

It's like, girl, we ain't getting nothing before the 26th, so you might as well just chill and wait around.

And so we just knew.

We just knew.

Okay.

Merry Christmas.

The day after, the day after.

That's right.

- I love it.

Well, that's all the time we have for today.

Thank you for spending time with some of us.

It was just the best of times.

All of us here wish you the happiest of holidays.

Don't forget you can watch this program again.

Watch Inspire on watch.kt wu.org - If you are inspired to learn more about our show and you want to see what's coming up on future shows, visit our website at ktwu.org/inspire.

- Inspiring women, inspiring peaceful holidays.

Inspiring you on KTWU.

We thank you for watching.

Happy Holidays ♪ Inspire is sponsored by the estate of Ray and Anne Goldsmith - And the Raymond C and Marguerite Gibson Foundation - And friends of KTWU.

We appreciate your financial support.

Thank you.