- Today's youth are struggling.

Anxiety, depression, and self-doubt are at record highs, but there is hope.

We discuss the youth mental health crisis coming up next on "Inspire."

(pensive music) (logo crackling) (ethereal music) - [Announcer] "Inspire" is sponsored by the estate of Ray and Ann Goldsmith, the Raymond C. and Marguerite Gibson Foundation, and the Lewis H. Humphreys Charitable Trust.

(uplifting music) - Hello, welcome to "Inspire."

I'm excited to be here with my beautiful co-hosts, Danielle Norwood and Leslie Fleuranges.

We have a serious topic today.

The numbers don't lie.

Anxiety, depression, and self-harm are rising at alarming rates among young people.

Social media, academic pressure, family struggles.

Today's kids are dealing with more than ever before, and yet so many of them are suffering in silence.

- This isn't just about awareness, it's about action.

What can we do as friends, as parents, and as a community?

That's what we'll tackle today.

- Here with us today to discuss the youth mental health crisis are Amy Tibbitts and Morgan Schmitz, who are therapists with the Lilac Center.

Amy and Morgan, welcome to "Inspire."

- Hello.

- Thank you.

- We're glad to be here.

- Yes.

- When we talked before the show started, you said that you deal with adolescents from the age of 13 and then into adulthood.

Talk about the people that come to the Lilac Center.

- So most of the people that come to the Lilac Center are struggling with self-harm, suicidality, and compulsive behaviors, like drinking, drugs, compulsive online addictions, and a whole host of other things.

So, it's really their attention that is being robbed away from them.

And so getting back to a place of feeling okay with themselves and feeling okay with just being with themselves and not being distracted is what we try to do most.

- Yeah, we really try to just emphasize how we can help people of all ages, but particularly adolescents, like really create a life worth living.

- So, is this a new phenomenon, or is this something that has been going on for a long time?

I know this whole idea of kids being attached to their phones, and the loneliness, and that type of thing is something that we're experiencing now.

But it strikes me that this isn't something that's just come on recently.

- No, I'd say for the past decade, we've become more and more reliant on our cell phones and social media.

So it's really easy to grab someone's attention now, but hard to keep someone's attention.

So the more that someone gets distracted and drawn into that world, really the more isolated they become.

So it's the difference between a baby crying and then someone actually nurturing the baby.

And so as media becomes more and more a part of our life, the less we're able to really attend to the physical world and the relationships we're in.

So people are often more neglected now more than ever.

Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.

I feel thankful that we did not have social media when I was in high school.

I mean, we had our share of bullies, and the mean girls, and all that, but you weren't accessible 24/7.

And so, Morgan, what do you think about the high school age?

- Yeah, I think it's definitely a challenge all around.

And I think the biggest part of it is when you're interacting face to face with someone, right, the way we all kind of grew up doing, I think it definitely has a lot different opportunity to learn about yourself in that process, right?

How you engage with people, how your body responds to those engagements.

And when you add the media, and phones, and electronics into that mix, it really kind of throws a screw into things because you don't know exactly what you're learning about yourself in the same way that you would if you were interacting face-to-face.

- I was involved in youth ministry for over 18 years, so I have an idea in terms of youth and some of the comfortability issues that parent and youth have.

And a lot of it came to me because I wasn't connected, but I'd be a listening ear And I'd definitely be open to hearing whatever.

Social media is neither good nor bad.

Kind of like money, it's neither good nor bad, it's what you do with it.

How do you get teenagers to know that it is a tool and not something to totally rely on and live your life on?

- Yeah, I think when they start isolating and stop having friendships, so one of the things that is happening, especially for adolescent boys, is that they're reporting that they're not having close friendships.

So in the last six months, 24% of adolescent boys say they have not disclosed anything personal to another person.

And so it's that alienation and lack of closeness that is really affecting our teens so much.

- Do you think that gaming is one of those factors?

- [Amy] It is, yes.

- Because I know plenty of people who have the headsets on, and they're this with the little controllers and the TV, and they're talking to people who knows from where.

But that's the only interaction that they have.

- [Amy] Yeah, and it's sucking them right in, but it's not real.

And so- - And it's not substantive.

- Exactly.

- So then- - And it often takes us away from the present.

- Okay, so then how do you...

I mean, 'cause that sounds to me like an addiction, right?

So, how do you get them to disassociate or stop using these things that are sort of sucking the life out of them, so to speak?

- Yeah, so the number one thing that we teach is mindfulness.

And so being in the present moment and being okay without distraction, and just being able to be inspired and be delighted by what is going on right in front of you without needing to reach for a phone, or any game, or anything else.

But it's become harder and harder for adolescents to do.

- I think yeah, the media and just electronics, whether it's gaming, or phones, or iPads, computers, I mean, even in schools, right?

We have to rely on electronics to do this work.

And so we get so accustomed to it, or these adolescents do, and it really teaches them how to not be bored, you know?

And I think that one of the greatest vulnerabilities is that adolescents don't know how to be okay with being bored these days.

- Yeah.

- Oh, yeah, 'cause they're used to instant gratification.

So, what are some signs that parents and friends, parents and friends can look for, and then how can they help their teen?

- Yeah.

- Get over it, besides coming to you as well.

- Right.

- Yeah.

- Right, right, no, I think just increased engagement.

So if you notice your teen is isolating: in their room, playing games, not interacting, not being social, to really limit that time.

Start having dinner at the dinner table again, having those conversations, going for a walk.

All of those things that you just stop avoiding doing.

But actually, you, yourself set down your phone and say, "I'm gonna be here right now."

- Okay.

- "With my adolescent."

- Well, what if you can't get them to put their phone down?

I mean, there's behavioral things.

- [Amy] Yeah.

- It's definitely a process, and I think that relationship piece is really, really critical in the big picture, not just when they are isolating or when they're feeling sad or lonely.

Like, building that relationship in the good times, and the joy, and the happiness that can be shared, so that it doesn't feel so forced in the context of, "Hey, put your phone down, come hang out with us."

It's more so the intent is just to foster the relationship as a whole.

- Yeah.

- I know people who have kids who are seven years old, and they have cell phones.

- Yeah.

- And then I know someone who didn't allow their child to have a cell phone until they were 16.

Somewhere, there's like a happy medium between the two.

What would you say a going rule would be, or what are some guidelines as to when people can either have cell phone usage or should be allowed to be with their own social media pages 'cause a lot of the kids are hiding it from the parents, kind of like folks back in the day used to sneak things.

- Yeah.

- Sometimes, there's sneaking, and the parents have no clue that they even have a page.

- Surprisingly, the CDC actually puts out guidelines around this.

- Okay.

- Oh.

- And they're really good.

So, like, if you just sit down and you went to Google, and what the guidelines are for my 8-year-old, versus 10-year-old, versus 13-year-old, so on, they're going to give great advice.

Just like the great advice we get about eating great food and exercising our bodies, the same with controlling our attention and our minds.

- Okay, this has been an excellent discussion so far, and we're gonna continue it, and I know you're gonna wanna stay right there.

Please do so.

(bright upbeat music) - We are back.

We've been talking with Amy Tibbitts and Morgan Schmitz with the Lilac Center.

So ladies, we've talked a lot about the issues that have come into play that has brought this mental health issue upon us.

What are some of the solutions that we, as friends, family, teachers, can do to help the youth improve, get better, suffer less?

- Yeah, I think ultimately, we're a little biased as DBT therapists, but ultimately, we know that science, meet, reading, math, all of those subjects are really important in schools.

But if we could in input more DBT and life skills into what they're learning, what they're seeing day to day, what they're interacting with in the context of emotion regulation, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, really just providing these kids with the skills that they need to know what to do with those really big emotions.

And then relationship is just another really key piece all around is: How can we foster relationships with teachers, parents, caregivers, even peers?

Being able to strengthen, and foster, and really prioritize relationships is gonna be really game-changing.

- So what DBT?

- Yes, I was just gonna ask.

- And when we come to you, what does that translate into?

- Yeah, so what dialectical behavioral therapy is, in essence, is a therapy that teaches skills on how to change behaviors that someone feels really trapped in.

And so if you have a behavior, but intellectually you know you should not be doing that, but you can't figure out how to get yourself to do what you know would be healthy.

That's what the therapy is.

And then the word dialectic just means that multiple truths can be true at the same time.

So I can love someone and be angry at them at the same time.

- Okay.

- Yes.

- Morgan, just keep going.

- Yes, yes.

I think that with those skills, a lot of people aren't sure what to do when those big emotions spike, and sometimes it feels like a bigger problem than the moment itself, right?

Whether it's trauma-based or a long-term interpersonal conflict that somebody's navigating, DBT really also prioritizes the moment, right?

Like, what can we do in this moment to either decrease the intensity of this emotion or not make the conflict worse?

And so these life skills can be really powerful in just helping people, and especially adolescents, gain control.

And instead of letting those emotions really be in the driver's seat.

- I know we're... - And how- - Oh.

- Can I just ask?

- Okay.

- So how do you do that if that isn't, you say, in the moment.

But if you are not there, how are you actually treating that?

Do you know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- So if you're having an argument with your mother, who you love, but you are angry, and you're saying you teach them how to deal with that, how do you do that when you're not there?

- So, one of the first things we teach people to recognize is how they're feeling.

So there's a phrase, "you've gotta name it to tame it".

And so you would actually name the emotion, like, "I am feeling angry."

And then from there, you can use your own wisdom on how you wanna respond.

I really think of being able to choose how you respond to an emotion as really a superpower.

Like, this is what my own decision is going to be in this moment, not driven by an emotional reaction.

- Yeah, and I think one of my favorite things to tell clients is, as your DBT therapist, it's my goal to help you figure out how to be your own therapist.

And that can be really intimidating for a lot of people, but that is kind of our goal is to give them the tools to know what to do in those moments of distress, or pain, or suffering.

- Okay.

Sorry, Dani.

- No, that's okay.

Because I wanna piggyback off of you bringing in the family element, because I think so much of this is not just the youth, it's also the entire family.

And this is something that everybody within the family context has to deal with and will have to deal with.

So how do you bring the family in?

Because we're talking about youth being on social media and being distracted by so many things.

But what if mom and dad are distracted by so many things and they don't have time to really focus in on the family?

How do you do like a whole family kind of health clinical to get everybody on the same page?

- We actually do do that.

So what we do is we have the family come in with the adolescent, and we teach the skills at the same time to everyone involved.

So there's 26 essential skills that we teach, but they are eons old.

- [Danielle] Okay.

- So they're not new skills, they're just about radical acceptance, how to create a relationship, how to stop an emotional response, and how not to make a situation worse when you're really like in the throes of something chaotic.

And so the parents and the adolescent learn at the same time and then they practice the skills.

- Okay.

- And then I think you said something about getting everyone on the same page.

And I think a lot of that also starts with really informing and helping educate the parents to know that your child is not broken, your child is not this one off.

Like, your child is just experiencing a lot of different vulnerabilities, and stressors, and things that are really hard to navigate on their own.

And so it makes sense to need these skills both as a child and as a parent trying to help them.

- And sometimes, the parent feels that they are broken because their kid is going through that.

And what did I do as a parent to cause them to go through these changes?

Talk about that to kind of relieve some of the tension from parents.

Like, no, it wasn't necessarily your situation, it just happened.

- Yeah, well, currently right now, the CDC is reporting that 30% of adolescents are reporting a suicidal thought within the past 12 months.

- Oh.

- Oh.

- So it is astonishing how horrible adolescents are really in what they're facing.

So if a parent is coming in and feeling as if they have done something wrong, as a society, we are doing something wrong.

Like, we all have to get back to a different level of communion with one another and compassion for one another.

- I also really like being able to like validate parents and their perspective of their acting often in their best awareness at that time.

We are all growing in different awarenesses day to day based on different experiences, and so they're doing their best in that moment.

And all they can do moving forward is gain the skills, acquire the knowledge, and the empowerment to be able to keep moving forward.

- So your service is 13 plus, let's go up there: 50, 60, 70s.

What are you seeing in that age category?

- Some of the exact same things.

So really being addicted to things that you have a tragic event happen in your life.

Let's say treating a 70-year-old that maybe lost a child.

And so instead of dealing with that loss, in that pain, in that heartbreak turns to an addiction.

And it's the same sort of mental escape.

Like, I don't want to tolerate the truth of the present moment, but really tolerating and being effective in that truth is the only way through it.

- Yeah, and I think that no matter what age someone is in at their life, they may not have had the opportunity to learn skills like this.

Not just even specifically from the Lilac Center, but like skills as it relates to how to respond to emotions.

And so yeah, the very similar symptoms that we see in adolescents and adults, it's interesting to really see the parallels in that.

But it's really just a matter of: At what point in somebody's life are they able to have the opportunity to acquire the skills that they need to live the life they want?

- Well, this has been a very thought-provoking topic and one that needs to be talked about more and more because parents are in crisis trying to figure out what to do and how to do because no one wants to deal with a crisis situation that the kid has gone too far when it comes to handling a problem.

So I appreciate both of you, Morgan and Amy, for being on.

We are going to take a quick break and come back with more information about this timely topic, and we hope that you'll stay with us.

(bright upbeat music) - Thank you for staying right there.

We are back with Amy Tibbitts and Morgan Schmitz from the Lilac Center to continue our discussion.

And you guys have given us so much to think about, and I love the professionalism.

How does somebody know if they're ready to come see you?

- I think you know you're ready to come if you're just tired of being tired.

- Okay.

- So, if you've waken up every day and go, "I really wanna make a change," this is the time for you to just reach out and give us a call.

- Okay, the Lilac Center may be new to some of our audience members who are not familiar with you all.

How long have you all been in operation, and where can we find you?

Because you have multiple locations.

- So I actually founded the Lilac Center 25 years ago.

- [Danielle and Leslie] Wow.

- Slay.

- Yeah, and we moved to the Kansas City area two years ago.

So we have three locations in the Kansas City area and in this wonderful location that is at 36th in Burlingame.

- Okay.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Yeah.

- And Morgan, how did she get you?

This is great.

- Oh, man.

(everyone laughing) It's really come full circle.

I remember meeting with Amy and her husband, Tony, who is also highly involved in the Lilac Center and just being originally interested in music therapy, actually, as a musician.

And I just really felt called to kind of use some of my interests in that field of just helping people.

And Amy had this great idea.

She said, "Go into social work," when I was trying to decide what to do for my degree and everything.

And she said, "Go into social work.

Here's this thing that we do.

It's this type of therapy.

You can involve music therapy if you're interested."

And yeah, I guess the rest has kind of been history.

It's been a really great place to especially get started as a therapist, but also just really grow and learn among other people, so.

- Mm-hmm.

Now, I've been in therapy over my years, but this concept of DBT therapy is a new one on me.

Tell me a little bit about what that actually is and why you decided to use that in helping all of your patients.

- Well, there's really two sides to the therapy.

So one side to the therapy is behavioral therapy.

So it's kind of like if you had a puppy and you wanted to potty train the puppy, reinforcing the right things is the key.

And understanding all of the things that led up to the problematic behavior and then putting in different stop gaps to change that behavior.

So that's the behavioral side.

And the dialectical side is really about trauma.

And so when someone is traumatized, they have a lot of mixed feelings.

So it's a very beautiful therapy to bring in both the bond to the trauma and the horror of the trauma.

- Hmm.

- And so it's just a really... Trauma just creates such a confusion for people, and it's in that confusion that you get all of the problematic results, and people just can't integrate the two into a piece of mind.

- I mean, so you said earlier that it's important that you have...

If you lose a child or some other traumatic thing happens, you can't just put it in a box and move on.

- Right.

- Basically, you've gotta face it at some point.

- Yeah.

- So basically you're saying, "If you don't face it, you'll never move on."

- Exactly.

So if you just look for external escape constantly, yeah, you'll just be stuck in the hill.

- Yeah, and I think that's what's so special about DBT, is it provides the skills necessary to face it, right?

Because facing it can be very scary, very daunting, very intimidating.

And it's like, "Here are some tools to make that process easier."

And you hear a lot about other therapies being a talk therapy.

And of course this is talking therapy, we're talking to people, but it's more of a doing therapy in a way that it says, "Here are the tools.

You get to choose how you use these tools."

- What if you think you're okay, but then you're not?

- Yeah.

- What do you do?

- You don't judge yourself.

And so in one moment, you can be okay, and then the next you are not.

So when you're going through trauma or facing a reality one day, it's okay, and you have complete acceptance over it, and then something comes into your world where you don't wanna accept anymore.

And then you just have to use the skills to move through that situation or that day without making it terrible.

- Wow.

- Going back to youth for just a quick moment, 'cause I know we have limited time.

How important is a healthy self-esteem?

And how can people either learn to get that, maybe they can't get that from their family base, schools are too busy dealing with a lot of things, how does one develop that?

So when it does come time for social media and all the interruptions, they know who they are at the core of their being?

- Yeah, I think that's the biggest challenge people are having.

So healthy self-esteem cannot come outside of yourself.

It has to be an internal development.

And so when you talk about this constant distraction and not being able to just be with yourself, that's the thing that's lacking the most.

- And I think when we think of self-esteem, it really parallels with self-compassion and through the basic components of self-compassion, our understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness.

And so if we can really target those three areas, it has a lot of capability of really boosting self-esteem, self-compassion for yourself and others.

- Yeah.

- That's beautiful.

- Fantastic.

Well, ladies, thank you so much.

This has been an amazing discussion and absolutely a very important one.

So that's all the time that we have today.

And as a reminder, you can watch this program again at watch.ktwu.org.

- And if you are so inspired, and we hope that you will, to learn more about our guests, you can find out about what's coming up on future shows and get access to additional content, please be sure to visit our website at ktwu.org/inspire.

- Inspiring women, inspiring resilient youth, inspiring you, we hope, on KTWU.

We thank you for watching.

(bright upbeat music) (bright upbeat music continues) - [Announcer] "Inspire" is sponsored by the estate of Ray and Ann Goldsmith, the Raymond C. and Marguerite Gibson Foundation, and the Lewis H. Humphreys Charitable Trust.