(upbeat music) - Welcome to "Inspire."

We're so happy to have you here.

Today we're talking about the different dimensions of self-care, showing you how to relax, replenish, and renew, coming up next on "Inspire."

(bright music) - [Narrator] "Inspire" is sponsored by Kansas Furniture Mart, using furniture to inspire conversation, and by the Blanche Bryden Foundation.

(upbeat music) - Hello, and welcome to "Inspire."

I'm excited to be here with our wonderful co-hosts, Danielle Norwood, Amy Kelly.

And this is something we all need and you need.

So, if you think you've been hearing more about self-care lately, you're right.

According to Google Trends, the number of searches for self-care, have more than doubled in the last five years.

- Yet, despite all of the interest, women are more to neglect self-care, juggling busy careers with caring for children and loved ones.

- On today's show, we're taking a look at self-care, going beyond the marketing hype to examine what self-care really is, how you can practice self-care, and most importantly, how you can make time for you.

Joining us today, we welcome to Dr. Rhonda Peterson Dealey, a clinical social worker and Assistant Professor in the Department of Social Work at Washburn University, and Brent Trammell, Employee Wellness Coordinator at Washburn University.

Welcome to "Inspire."

- Welcome.

- Thank you.

- Thanks for having us.

- So, I'm going to ask both of you, and I'd like for you to take your time in answering, 'cause we want to know what self-care really is.

So, Rhonda, I'll start with you.

- Sure.

Thanks, Danielle.

So, there are many ways to think about self-care, there's lots of literature around thinking about professional self-care.

So, for those of us who work in fields, where we give care as part of our job, then we need to think about how we make ourselves ready to give that care in an ethical and fulfilling and compassionate way, right?

So, there's professional self-care, then there's also personal self-care.

Thinking about how we can be the best daughter, sister, friend, mother, or colleague to one another.

And what we do as individuals to be our best selves to our fellow human beings, right?

I personally like to take a more holistic understanding of self-care that encompasses all of that and thinking about the whole me and how I can be my best self.

So, not just in relationship to you and the people who I work with, but also in relationship to my own personal being, if that makes sense.

- Okay, we're gonna take a deeper dive into that, 'cause I'm fascinated.

Brent, what would be your answer?

- So, obviously self-care means a lot of things to a lot of different people.

But for me, I kind of look at it through a wellness lens.

And really, it's most fundamental.

It's just giving yourself the things you need to be healthy and functional.

- Okay.

Okay.

- So, okay, so we've determined that self-care is important, right?

Why do women, people, all people, particularly women forego that?

Why do they neglect that?

What is the cause of that?

- We could spend a whole semester talking about that, right?

But I think that women in general tend to be socialized to be givers and to be willing to self-neglect for the service of others.

I don't know what you think, Brent, but... - Oh, I totally agree with that.

But I think it's also a little bit of a fallacy to think that you can totally neglect yourself and really be able to help other people.

And if you think about like an ambulance, it's like a really helpful vehicle that takes sick people where they need to go to get help.

It's a good thing.

But if the driver started thinking, "I'm only gonna focus my time on helping people.

We're not gonna put gas in the ambulance.

We're not gonna do repairs.

We're not gonna do maintenance."

What's gonna happen eventually?

So, really, if you wanna do your best for helping other people, you do have to take care of yourself.

And that's part of that process.

- Oh, I love that analogy.

- That's a good analogy.

- That's wonderful - Absolutely.

- And I have heard that on caregivers too.

'Cause they always say, if you can't take care of yourself, then you can't take care of others.

Let's get to the mental health, 'cause that seems to be really a huge topic now, especially coming out of the COVID.

- Sure.

- How would you help with our mental wellbeing?

- Yeah, so we know the research is already coming out that adolescents and children in particular, women and caregivers in particular are experiencing high levels of in anxiety, stress, distress as a result of the pandemic and the changes and upsets with that.

So, I think it's a really important time to give focus to that and to draw attention to the need that's out there.

So, there are many ways to address mental health and wellbeing.

There are the obvious ways of therapy and professional supports.

I think relationships and relational wellbeing is gonna be real key to this.

A lot of folks got really lonely during COVID and the pandemic.

There was a lot of familial stress.

People on different sides of the issues that were dividing us.

And so, healing some of those relational pieces, I think are gonna be real important too.

Yeah, there's lots of...

There's a big need, for sure.

- So, how do you convince someone who thinks that they don't need self-care, like, "I got this," to actually take some time for self-care?

Because again, everybody would like to think that they're functioning fine, but I'm thinking we're all going through different levels, especially after the pandemic.

- So, what I try to do look like health coaching and things like that, a lot of times people don't associate the outcomes with the activities and behaviors that they're doing.

And really it's educating them on that kind of thing.

It's like one of the things I always like to ask, do you feel as good as you think you should?

And that's one that most people can be honest with.

And if you don't, then what can you do about it?

And that's when we can start looking at these different strategies to get there.

And it's like diet, exercise, sleeping, all of these things are super important.

And you realize if you want that kind of outcome, then you have to participate in those strategies.

It makes it a little bit easier to start thinking about that and incorporating it in your life.

- Okay.

- One thing I agree self-care is very important.

I absolutely agree with that as a person who overcommits by choice.

That is kind of who I am.

And I understand the importance of keeping myself together.

I hear the term self-care and I cringe because I hear selfish care.

That I am taking time for myself away from the things that I've already committed to.

- Wow.

- And I cannot do that.

And so, I really struggle.

I really, really do.

But I understand the need.

So, what are things that people like me can do to go, it's not selfish care, it's self-care.

Here are things that you can do.

So, what are some basic easy things that we can do?

- Sure.

- 'Cause I love this 'cause self-care is not self-indulgence.

Those should never be assumed to be the same thing, right?

Because self-indulgence actually gets in our way of being our best self.

My favorite self-care practices are more about being and less about doing.

So, more about letting go of those messages that we give ourselves that make us feel guilty when we take care of ourselves, right?

Letting go of practices that are taking away energy from us for the purposes of I've committed to this thing or whatever it is, right?

I have this obligation, all of that.

Letting go of those inner scripts and those messages that we tell ourselves I have to, or I...

Right?

So, some of those kinds of things.

Sometimes it's adding something in, like a sense of gratitude.

I can build that in pretty easily without changing my schedule, right?

But it certainly affects my mental health.

It affects my over overall wellbeing.

It makes me have a different perspective on my day and my life and my choices.

So, I would challenge you to think about some of those kinds of things, Amy, as ways that you could start, right?

And some self-reflection then may lead you to reaching out to Brent and say, "Okay, so help me with my diet because I may be not making the best choices there."

Right?

But there are things, small things.

Start with the small things, Amy, and see where that takes you.

- I also agree that it's really important to make that distinction because a lot of people do feel like that.

They take time to take care of themselves as being selfish.

But really, especially if you're trying to do a lot of things for other people, it's like you can't give what you don't have.

So, you gotta make sure you have that first.

And it's really easy to pay attention to the outcomes or what's happening with your choices.

If it's selfishness, it pretty much just benefits you.

If it's self-care, it benefits you and everyone around you.

It's like the ambulance, gas, maintenance, and all, that's very important for everyone.

Like custom paint job, leather seats, all that kind of stuff would not be, right?

So, you can see the difference of it.

And you can see the difference in the outcomes.

(bright music) - Okay, well, we're gonna take a short break, but we'll be back to continue our discussion on self-care and wellness.

You don't wanna miss it.

Stay there.

(upbeat music) - And we are back, continuing our discussion on self-care with Brent and Rhonda.

Okay.

In our earlier segment, we talked about what is self-care, the importance of self-care, what self-care is not, and some very basic self-care practices.

I'm interested to know what role does diet and nutrition play in all of this.

- Well, for me, it's pretty fundamental.

'Cause when you start thinking about why do you eat food, and it's like one reason is just to get enough calories for energy to get through your day.

But there's also what's called the essential nutrients.

These are things you can't get anywhere else other than the food you eat.

And it's responsible for building nutrition in the body, synthesizing hormones, converting food to energy rather than storing it as fat.

So, all of those types of things, you get to get in the healthy foods that you might be eating.

So, if you're not getting those, what's happening?

It's like eventually, your body's not gonna work right, your mind's not gonna work right.

So, it can really be a foundational part of taking care of yourself.

- So, how does that work?

How does that you're not eating right, how does your mind not work?

I don't under understand that connection.

- Well, like I said, number one, it's all the hormones, serotonin, the neurotransmitters that your body produces, you have to get materials from that somewhere.

And you have to get that at the most basic form through the foods you eat.

- And what are some of those foods that we eat, because you can just hear it in a generalized term, but if somebody just really needs to be educated, I mean, fruits, vegetables, what?

- So, the most basic way to look at that is when you eat refined foods, what's happened is they've left the calories and taken out nutrients like vitamins and minerals.

And these are some of those building blocks that you need.

So, when you eat whole foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, where it's not been refined and it's not just white flour and things like that, and the lean protein sources, that's where you get all those nutrients.

It's the kind of foods we know are supposed to be eating that we, most of the time, don't.

All the packaged stuff and the processed stuff is where you end up losing those nutrients.

- Some of us deal with our issues by eating.

And so, Ben and Jerry becomes a good friend as opposed to a piece of fruit.

So, I know that we need to click into that.

I want to talk about mindfulness.

'Cause I have my watch to set up every so many hours to say, "You need to be mindful."

Okay.

So, talk about mindfulness as it applies to self-care.

- Sure.

Well, so when I think of mindfulness, and Brent, you can jump in too, I think about being intentional and being present in the moment, right?

Being aware of how your body's feeling, being aware of your breathing, being aware of your heart rate, being aware of your emotions and your thoughts and accepting those without judgment, just receiving them.

And so, there are many ways to be mindful, right?

Most of us think about contemplative practices.

Breathing, right?

We think about centering prayer or meditation or yoga.

Great ways to practice mindfulness.

And once you've kind of learned that, then you can learn how to take yourself to that space real quickly, right?

Oh, I'm gonna take this moment now to be mindful.

So, is that how you're using it, Danielle?

- It just reminds me.

And sometimes I remember to be mindful.

Sometimes I'll take a break to be mindful.

But most of the time it was like, "I don't have time to be mindful right now."

- All right.

- So, what an honest answer.

Keeping it real.

- Yeah, that is the way it really is.

Yeah.

- Well, that ties into my next question is actually, how do you take time for that?

How do you take time to practice self-care, to practice mindfulness?

She has it on her watch.

Well, this maybe not be working for her.

I would suck at that.

That would never work for me.

So, how do you incorporate that into your life?

- Well, how do you do anything?

How do you incorporate anything into your life?

How do you schedule your day out?

And you really, when people have either the habit that you've just done forever or it's things that you prioritize, things that you think are important, you put in your life.

And so, for me, the big part of that is really determining whether self-care is a necessary thing, number one, for you at this time, and whether it's important to you.

And if you think it is necessary and it's gonna be important, you have to figure out why and attach that value to it.

And once you really value it, then you can start figuring out, well, what do I have in my life that's not as important?

And start substituting those things out.

- Okay.

I wanna bring the mental back to you, Brent, because I know that you kind of push it over here, but I really want.

Because mental really goes with the physical.

Because when you work out, you get the endorphins and you tell yourself, "I can do it."

And you just feel, I think you just feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Will you talk about that?

And then maybe even some of these breathing techniques, 'cause I know that breathe in so many, exhale so many.

I mean, will you expand on that?

- Yeah, I don't think you can divorce the mental from all the other aspects of your life, 'cause really, a lot of mental health is contingent upon what's going on in the rest of your life.

Are you eating well?

Are you exercising?

Are you sleeping enough?

Are you able to manage your stress?

And I think for a lot of people, once you start addressing those things in a very fundamental way, some of the mental parts just resolve on their own.

- Can self-care look different for different people?

- Oh absolutely.

- Like she's all about trying to be in the gym, which I am not, but maybe my self-care is a massage.

Maybe it's stopping down to have my nails done or just have a woosah moment.

Talk about different ways that we can have that self-care that doesn't require us to sweat or pick up an apple or something.

- Well, I think that's a great point, Danielle.

Self-care should absolutely be individualized, right?

Because one prescription doesn't work for everybody.

So, downloading off Google a self-care checklist is not the answer, right?

It's self-reflecting on all of these different areas.

I'm thinking about all of the different dimensions of self-care, right?

So, it's the physical, right?

It's the eating, it's the sleeping, it's the exercise that we usually associate with self-care, but it's all the other things too, right?

There's a thing as financial self-care.

Right?

- Speak about that.

- Well, so thinking about how are we using our resources?

Some of us during the pandemic spent a lot of time online shopping, right?

As a- - Are you all reading my mail?

I mean.

(everyone laughing) - But maybe that isn't the best self-care practice for me and my finances, right?

Maybe it would be much better for me to save that money toward a vacation to see my grandchildren, right?

So, self-care is about the spiritual and our connection to whatever we believe the universe to be, right?

And that's an important piece that many of us neglect.

And so, that's why I think thinking holistically about all of those things and then picking where to start, right?

We don't have to do all the things, right?

We don't have to do all the things.

It's about the journey.

It's not about the destination.

So, figuring out what it means for me, right?

And so, maybe it is on one of your previous shows, you had a great little yoga instructor between side nets, who showed you, well, you can just do these couple of little bends and stretches and whatever.

What a great way to start.

Anybody can add that to their day, right?

And that's a place to begin.

But it doesn't have to be, you have to run for 45 minutes a day.

- Cause it wouldn't happen.

(laughs) - Because you wouldn't do it, right?

You wouldn't do it.

So, start where you can start.

- And maybe picking up an apple before I go to get Ben and Jerry.

- [Brent] There you go.

- [Rhonda] Yeah, absolutely.

- Maybe try to find some other substitutions that are tasty, that are more helpful than the things that we normally would try to go to.

So, I'm I'm with you.

- Well, and maybe thinking about why it is Ben and Jerry's always your go-to.

Is it habit?

- Because it's my love.

- Well, yeah.

Well, okay.

So, maybe this is- - Because it's my lover.

Okay, we've always that.

- Yeah, but thinking about what it's doing for me.

- [Danielle] Oh, that doesn't have to- - And maybe something else can substitute in for that.

- [Danielle] Yes.

I just need a hug.

Is that what you're saying?

- I'd give you a hug.

(Danielle laughs) - Maybe, right?

- Maybe.

- I think what's also important to realize there is when we're going through these types of situations and we feel like we need self-care like ice cream or something like that, it's like you're trying to feel better.

You don't feel good about something, so, you're trying to feel better.

And that's important.

You have to feel good.

Otherwise you can't go through life.

But then if you start having some habit, you realize it isn't best for you, you can start looking for, like you were saying, other substitutions.

It's like, I need something to feel good right now and ice cream does it for me.

So, the first step might be going to the store and finding an ice cream that has less sugar in it.

And then maybe trying to go with like yogurt and berries.

And maybe you can go down that kind of spectrum and start making those substitutions and eventually come to something really healthy that's still doing that same thing for you.

- Well, the grocery store did give me some vegan Ben and Jerry's accidentally.

So, maybe I'll start with that and see how it goes.

- You haven't tried it yet?

- No, I haven't tried it yet.

- Yeah, let me know.

- I'll let you know what I think about.

Thank you both for being on with us.

It's been awesome.

And you know what?

We got excellent information on self-care and wellness.

And after the break, we're going to talk about some of our favorite self-care practices besides Ben and Jerry's and rituals.

So, stay with us.

(upbeat music) - Hey, Val, great to be over here with you today.

- It's awesome to be here with you, Janet.

- So, I wanna talk about stress and how we start to kind of manage that in our lives a little bit today.

And we are gonna do a meditation.

Have you done any meditation before?

- [Val] I have not.

- Okay.

- So, yeah.

- Just close your eyes and I'd like you to focus on your breath.

I want you to really feel your breath and bring your awareness to your breath moving in and out of your body.

You may be noticing your stomach going out when you're inhaling, and coming back in when you're exhaling.

Just notice the breath moving in and out of your body.

Not judging it in any way.

You don't have to breathe in any particular way.

Simply notice.

You may notice whether your breathing is heavy or soft.

It may be fast or slow or someplace in between.

And it doesn't matter.

You're simply noticing your breath, bringing your attention to that breath going in and out and in and out.

You can even count your breaths.

With each exhalation, count one and go all the way to 10.

If you lose track because you've become distracted, you can simply start over again at one.

(soft music) Just following the breath.

Okay.

So, let's blink our eyes open.

We literally were doing that for, I didn't look at my clock, but I'm sure that it was under two minutes.

- Wow.

- Imagine how did you feel?

- Very relaxed.

Yes.

And then the setting was wonderful to be able to hear the hearing.

- Hearing the water was great.

- And the nature, yes.

- You can do this at a beautiful setting like this, but you can also, you literally can do it in a closet.

But if you can imagine, if you have 30 seconds before you go into a meeting, just lowering your gaze or closing your eyes, focusing on that breath, it could make a big difference.

I'm Janet Thompson Jackson, and I hope I've inspired you to replenish and restore.

(suspenseful music) (upbeat music) - Thank you, Janet Thompson Jackson.

Just what we had been talking about with Dr. Rhonda, we are back about self-care.

And she was saying in a previous episode, she learned that like if you're sitting, you just lean forward.

You can do some exercises that way and breathe.

And that's self-care.

But what did you guys think about what we were to talking about with Brent and Dr. Rhonda?

- Oh my gosh, I thought it was fantastic.

But really, there's a couple things that really struck home with me.

One of which it's not selfish care.

That self-care is the ambulance.

That was a fantastic analogy.

That if you aren't taking care of the vehicle with which all these wonderful things must happen, ain't nothing gonna happen.

And so, you need to care for yourself so that you can care for others.

And it's so basic and yes, we know that, but hearing them say it out loud on the show was very impactful for me.

- Right, right.

And confirming.

- I will just try to stop down.

'Cause a lot of us are drivers in our lives.

And so, if we driving, it's like, oh, everything else is getting ready to come down on us.

'Cause we're working, we've got several careers, we've got personal lives, we've got other things that we're doing.

And it's like it's hard to stop and say, "Okay, I need a moment."

And then sometimes you feel guilty because people still think that they need your time- - Be productive.

Be productive.

- Let people know that you can't have my time because I need a moment.

So, I've chosen Sunday to be my moment.

I don't do anything on Sundays.

That's my mental health day.

'Cause I give and give and give for six days out of the week and I need a moment just to do me.

And so, it's caused some tension because people have events and things on Sundays.

- Sure.

- But it's like, I'm not coming.

I love you.

I'm not coming.

I need this for me.

- [Amy] Yeah, good for you.

- So, sometimes you just have to be very deliberate about what you need and not feel guilty about it.

- And able to say that though.

But like you say, able to say it, think it, believe it.

And then ask, because then your friends and family and others, that can be helpful to you 'cause they need to know that, hey, we just can't run her ragged or run her dry.

She needs to be able to relax herself.

- Exactly.

- And show your little woosah thing that you would say.

Okay.

- Woosah.

- Okay.

- Sometimes you need to woosah just to step back and just have a moment from everybody.

And it may only take 30 seconds, but it's like I need to just divorce myself from this situation 'cause Ms. Norwood does not want to snap on some people.

So, I just need to bring it down and woosah.

And that's the way that I kinda deal with it.

- And whether that be like we were talking about, with something that you eat, having your nails done, a massage, a facial, or just the breathing, I've just heard like take your time to inhale, and then take longer to exhale.

- Yes, and don't angry inhale, like (exhales).

That does not count.

- That's hyperventilating.

(laughs) - (laughs) It does not count as the woosah.

You need to actually do it and be sincere about just clearing.

Trying to clear the mechanism, as I said, and for love of the game, clear the mechanism.

- Right.

Right.

- Sometimes you gotta do that.

- And just whatever you guys do, think of it and be mindful because we want all of you guys to be able to think of it.

Maybe it's watching "Inspire."

- Yes.

Yeah, sure.

- We hope that is because there's just so many things.

And if there are topics that you want us to cover, let us know.

- Let us know.

- Yes, but that is all for today.

So, we hope you have been inspired by our conversation featuring ways women can care for themselves and each other.

Okay?

So, as a reminder, you can watch this program again at watch.ktwu.org.

- And if you are so inspired to learn more about our guests, find out what's coming up on future shows, and to get access to additional content, be sure to visit our website at www.ktwu.org/inspire.

- Inspiring women, inspiring you, and inspiring caring for you on KTWU.

Thank you for watching.

(upbeat music) - [Narrator] "Inspire" is sponsored by Kansas Furniture Mart, using furniture to inspire conversation, and by the Blanche Bryden Foundation.